Cover me
by Ponomoke
Summary: Fandom: Space Rangers Pairing: JohnZylynMy ideas on this short lived TVShow. When Zylyn and John are trapped together in a cave they start to become aware of their feelings for one another. But how will they react to it.
1. Chapter 1

**Cover me**

„_Well I'm looking for a lover who will come on in and cover me_

_Promise me baby you won't let them find us_

_Hold me in your arms, let's let our love blind us_

_Cover me, shut the door and cover me" (Bruce Springsteen)_

Chapter 1: Secret Smile

Disclaimer: They are not mine. I´m just borrowing them for a while.

Feedback: Welcome and loved.

„_Nobody knows it but you've got a secret smile_

_And you use it only for me_

_So use it and prove it_

_Remove this whirling sadness_

_I'm losing, I'm bluesing_

_But you can save me from madness" (Semisonic)_

The Space Ranger Team under the command of Captain John Boon had just finished their last mission on the Planet Nideval, an orb completly covered with ice and snow on which storms were almost constantly roaring.

They had been sent there to rescue the passengers of a freighter, that had crashed on the hostile planet. It didn´t take them long to find the 3 passengers who were still alive and now they were on their way back to their ship. The Rangers had decided to walk through the subterranean caves, that seemed to cross the whole Planet, in order to avoid the blizzard that was currently raging outside.

Only three of them had left the ship, JoJo, the pilot and Doc, the mechanic had stayed there and Daniel Kincaid and Zylyn had followed their captain. As they had expected the only bigger problem that had occured on their mission was the extremly rough climate.

„I´m looking forward to a hot coffee…or better something of that red graakan liqour you keep for special ocassions, Zylyn." John Boon adressed Zylyn the Graaka, how cast a quick smile at him, while he hurried onwards. Like his captain he longed to warm up.

„I´m amazed, you can walk this fast", continued Boon, while he regarded Zylyns figure, „that must be at least 12 layers of clothing you are wearing." Amused he looked his friend up and down. „ It´s only 8 layers." Zylyn answered, while he waited for John to catch up with him. Daniel and the surviving passengers where walking some yards infront of them. „ Besides, Graaka are very sensitive to low temperature." John laughed and patted him on the back. „Another reason to have something of that liquor" conspiratorially he leaned to Zylyn and whispered in his ear: „We won´t tell the others." „So there´s more for you to drink?" „You know me to well, my friend." John grinned at Zylyn.

Silently they walked a few hundred yards until they came to a area of the cave that was darker than the rest. A sudden shiver, that was not caused by the permanent cold ran over John´s body. „I wonder if there´s any living creature on this planet." „This is a dead place." Zylyn answered gloomy. They walked on in silence. After some time they were entering a narrow cave, which seemed even darker than the ones before. In front of them Daniel was helping the passengers to climb through a small opening in the wall, which was situated about three yards from the ground in the wall, when Zylyn suddenly stopped. John turned to him „What is it?" He was always attentive, when the Graaka, who was an empath, sensed something. „I don´t know…but I sense something odd." He looked around and than started to walk again. „Let´s get out of here" he urged.

Daniel had just climbed through the little opening, when the ground began to shake. The Rangers slipped and fell to the floor. The earthquake lasted only a few seconds. When the earth seemed to have calmed down John and Zylyn got up to their feet again. „Are you allright?" John asked „I don´t know. My arm is hurting." „Can you move it?" Zylyn tried, but had to stop with a wince. „I fear it´s broken". John came close to Zylyn to examine his arm. „It might get difficult to climb trough that small opening with your arm broken. Maybe we have to send Kincaid to fetch a rope first." Suddenly he felt Zylyn stiffen. „Have I hurt you? I´m sorry." When he didn´t get any reply he followed his friends gaze to the opposite wall, where Daniel and the others had left the cave. The opening that had been there a few seconds before, didn´t exist anymore it was blocked with huge rocks that had fallen down during the earthquake. John was dumbfounded for a few seconds. „Ok, let´s not panic, we can still use the other way out." But as he turned he found the opening, wich had led them in this cave was blocked by one gigantic rock which couldn´t be moved by anyone. A beep alerted him that Kincaid tried to reach him via the communication system. „At least the com is still working" he sighed, while answering it. „Kincaid! Are you allright?" „Yes we are, Captain!" came Kincaids muffled voice through the speaker. „What about you?" „Zylyn´s arm is broken. And both ways out of the cave are blocked. We can´t get out of here. The way we came is blocked with a rock we can´t even think of to move and the other opening is to high in the wall. We can´t remove the stones from our side. How does it look on your side?"

„The way to the ship seems to be free. And I think we can move the stones from this side of the opening, so you can get out of there."

„I hope you can. Tell Doc to come down here to help you. And tell him to bring a rope."

„Yes, Captain." Kincaid ended the connection and called JoJo. „Is everything allright down there?" she asked „The sensors indicate that you had an earthquake." „The captain and Zylyn are trapped in a cave. I could make it out of it with the others, but the ceiling has collapsed at a length of about four yards. The captain wants Doc to come down and help us. And he has to bring a rope or something like that, Zylyn´s arm is broken."

„I´ll send him down to you." JoJo replied.

Inside the narrow cave John looked anxiously at Zylyns pale face. „Does it hurt very much?" Zylyn nodded silently. The fact that he admitted that he was in great pain only increased John´s worries. He took a step closer to Zylyn. „Is it really true, that Graaka are especially sensitive to coldness?" „Yes, our normal blood heat is some degrees higher than that of humans therefore we are more sensitive to the cold." „Let´s walk a bit to keep warm." Alltough he felt tired, Zylyn obied and started to walk in circles next to his friend. „Do you remember when we first met?" John intended to distract Zylyn and the Graaka took the offered opportunity gratefully. „Yes, of course I do. Do you remember I once told you that when I saw you the first time I knew I wanted to stay with you. I told you when you were about to fight against the Veelon, Prince Gorda."

„Well, I do remember, but I thought maybe you were only flattering a man on his way to death." John laughed „You know very well I didn´t." They took some steps in silence, each lingering on their memories of their first meeting.

„Commander Chennault introduced me to you in her office…" Zylyn continued. „And you immediatly knew you wanted to stay with me and risk your live at my side." John interrupted with a grin. „I liked the way you smiled. A bit like a child does, open to everything new and not influenced by reservations and prejudices. Before we met I was afraid you could reject me. Like other humans." „You know those are only a bunch of idiots how are full of preju- dices. They don´t have any idea…" „I know, I know... let me continue…you brought me to the ship and introduced me to Doc and JoJo. And you took me to Ginos and every important place. You invited me to have dinner with your family in the evening." „Roxy immediatley liked you…you know she often asks how you are when we´re talking. She misses you. She always liked to listen to the stories you told her." John looked to the ground thoughtfully for a while. Somehow he finally got over the fact that his wife had decided she couldn´t live with him anymore. But he would never stop missing his daughter Roxy. Everytime he thought about the fact that his ex - wife had brought some hundred lightyears distance between his daughter and him he felt anger building in him. In a way he could understand her, she had as much right to live her own life as he had, but he missed Roxy so much that it sometimes almost seemed to hurt him physically.

Zylyn cast a sideway glance at John and left him to his own thoughts, while his thoughts re- turned to his first weeks at Fort Hope. It wasn´t easy, but it wasn´t as difficult as he had ex -pected it to be. When he first heard about the possibility to spend his missionary years as a Ranger he knew that this was what he wanted to do. Commander Chenault had placed him in the most welcoming team, which was most important. Still the prejudices that he had to face hurt him. He tried to behave as if it didn´t matter to him when people called him snake-eye or worse without caring if he could here them or not. During his first weeks people had almost constantly stared at him when they saw him, most of them saw a Graaka fort he first time in their life, what hurt him more was that they pulled their children close to them as soon as they saw him. Still he tried to ignore it all. But John knew how he felt and tried to comfort him. He looked at his friend again and smiled. John looked at him „And here it is again your trade- mark secret smile. What are you thinking about?" „You´re a very good friend." Zylyn stated simply. John laughed delighted, but a little irritated. „Thank you, but why is it always in life threatening situations that you compliment me?" „Maybe because it are moments like that in which we realize how dear the other person is to us. But we should say things like that more often." „Yes, we probably should but I hope you nevertheless know, how much you mean to me." He looked into Zylyns eyes, which never ceased to fascinate him and for a while they just stood there, gazing at each other, as if they had met the first time. Zylyn broke the peculiar silence. „How long do you think they will need to get us out of here?" „I´m not sure. We´ve been down here for about half an hour. Doc should have arrived now, it isn´t that far to the place where we landed with the Para-Jets. But I don´t know how the things look outside… how much rocks are blocking the way…" He looked up to the opening on the other side of the wall „Kincaid!" he used the com, „has Doc already arrived?" „Yes, Captain he arrived just now and we can use every helping hand we can get." „How long do you think it will take you?" „I really don´t know. But it will be a few hours. The ceiling has collapsed at a length of about four yards. We´ll try to get you out there as fast as possible." John looked at Zylyn, who was leaning against a wall and seemed extremly exhausted. „It will take them some more hours to get to us." John put his hand on Zylyns still healthy arm. „Do you think you can make it?" „I´ll have to." He made a movement with his left uninjured arm. „I want to drink something." He wanted to get the waterbottle from his bagpack. „Wait! I´ll get it for you." While John received the bottle, he felt extremly aware of Zylyns physical closeness. He opened the bottle and reached it to Zylyn, who slowly took some sips from it. „How long to you think you can stand the cold." „I don´t know." Zylyn answered slowly, „I´ve never been to a place where it is that cold." „Never! You should have told me. I would have left you on the ship with JoJo." „I couldn´t know it would be that bad." Zylyn shot back a little agitated.

„I´m sorry. I didn´t mean to blame you for anything. I should have let everyone of us take a medical kit. If we had painkillers things wouldn´t be that bad." The only member of their team who had taken a medical kit with him was Kincaid. When they had left the ship John had thought it a good idead to take as few ballast with them as possible, but now he chided himself fort his stupid idea. „Come on let´s move a bit more." Zylyn said and they returned to walking in circles trough the little cave. „When you were fighting against Prince Gorda" Zylyn started, but then fell silent for a few more seconds, „When you were fighting against him I was really afraid for you. If you hadn´t defeated him… if he had killed you…" Zylyn fell silent again and cast an anxoius look at John. „He probably would have killed me, if you hadn´t shown me that trick to paralyze him." „Could you still use that trick? Would you know which parts to touch?" Zylyn inquiered. „I guess I do." „Prove it." Zylyn stopped walking and gave John a challenging look. „ Let me see…" John put his hands on the sides of Zylyns face. „If you were a Veelon … I could paralyze you when I pressed down…here…" He put his fingers down on a spot just beneath Zylyns earlobes. He let them rest there for a while and without knowing why, he stroked his thumb softly across Zylyns cheek. Irritated with his odd behaviour he dropped his hands and started walking again. They kept walking thorugh the cave and talked, mostly about their past adventures. Although Zylyn tried not to let it show he felt increaslingly bad. John did notice, but didn´t express his fear for the well-being of his friend. As the time drew on Zylyn spoke less and less, until only John was talking. When about one and a half hour had passed Zylyn came to a halt and leaned heavily against a wall. John stepped close to him, a very worried expression on his face. „I feel very odd." Zylyn uttered slowly and let out a deep sigh. „Does your arm hurt very much?" „It´s not only the arm…I´m so tired…and one moment I feel cold and the next I feel hot showers running down my whole body…" He rubbed his hand across his brow. „I´ll be allright in a minute…I´m a just a bit dizzy." John waited patiently and when Zylyn wanted to walk on he tried to bring Zylyn to lean on him while they walked, but the Graaka refused this help. „I can walk on my own." John wanted to object, but Zylyn interupted him „Don´t argue. I´m to tired for this…tell me that story of how you met Doc the first time." And so they walked on. John talking and Zylyn trying to listen. When another 45 minutes had passed Zylyn stopped again to lean against a wall. John put off his gloves an touched Zylyns brow, which was damp with cold sweat. He thought that it couldn´t be possible that it was only the broken arm causing so much pain to Zylyn. „I want to sleep." John heard his friend say, it didn´t sound whining, but the extreme fatigue was audible in Zylyns voice. „I´m sorry but you can´t. If you fall asleep you could easily freeze to death." „Could we just sit down and you keep me awake?" John tought for a moment. „I think we can try that. Come, we´ll sit on this rock." He led Zylyn to a big rock that had come down during the earthquake. John sat down first. „Sit on my lap. I don´t want you do have direct contact with the rock, it´s quite cold and this way it will be easier for me to hit you if you start falling asleep." John laughed and even Zylyn managed a small smile, while he settled on Johns lap. „When we get home, we´ll go to your place and drink that liqour. What´s it called again?" „Bérusta." „Ah, yes Bérusta…Hey Mister" John poked Zylyn in the chest „don´t even think about closing your eyes or I´ll make you clean the whole ship, when we have returned." Zylyn opened his eyes and John put his arm around his waist to pull him a bit closer. The Graaka leaned to him and put his forehead on his captains shoulder. „If you want to stay this way you have to proove somehow, that you don´t fall asleep, cause I can´t see your eyes." „I can quote graakan poems to you." „That´s fine with me, just don´t fall asleep." Zylyn started to recite poems, in that guttural, but at the same time melodic language. John didn´t understand the words, but enjoyed the languages melody. After, what must have been about two poems, he found himself stroking Zylyns back, he stopped for a moment, but after some seconds he continued to do so. „Am I not getting to heavy for you?" Zylyn asked after a while and lifted his head. „No, you´re not. Just stay where you are." John answered and pulled Zylyn closer. He looked up and found himself lost in his friends peculiar eyes. For a while he just stared at him and Zylyn returned his gaze unfalteringly. A few seconds passed this way and then John reached with one slightly shaking hand for Zylyn´s neck and pulled his face close to his own. He waited another second or two before he brought his face up to Zylyn´s and softly kissed him on his lips. Zylyn was startled but didn´t pull away and relished the chaste, but sweet kiss. He liked the sensation of John´s stubbles softly scratching on his skin.

John didn´t know what had made him kiss Zylyn, but he enjoyed it and was happy Zylyn hadn´t pulled away from him. Their kiss stayed very tame and just when John thought that Zylyns lips would open for his tongue a loud crash made the Graaka and him sit up and turn around. One of the smaller rocks had fallen from the opening and they could hear Docs voice, but the opening was still to small for him to look through it: „Captain! Is erverything alright down there?" Zylyn hurried to leave Johns lap, assuming that his captain would be em-

barrassed, if the others found him sitting on his lap.

„Yes, Doc. But it was about time you finally came." John was glad they were finally getting out of the cave, but wished it had the others a few moments longer to break through to them.

„Just wait some minutes and we´ll be able to get you up here." They heard Kincaids voice.

Zylyn stood with his back turned to John and he felt the sudden need to stand up and wrap his arm around the Graaka. But he suppresed that feeling and rose slowly. While they waited until the opening was big enough for them to climb through it Zylyn and John stood side by side. John supressed the deep urge to reach for Zylyns hand and hold it. The Graaka was grateful that he could hide his face in his jackets hood. All of a sudden John seemed very cold to him and he tried in vain to find something they could talk about, so that the oppressive silence would come to an end, but he couldn´t think of anything.

As Kincaid had promised it really didn´t take long for the others to remove the remaining stones and soon Doc´s head appeared in the opening. „Are you two already frozen to the damn Floor? Or why are you standing there like two pillars of salt?" John and Zylyn simultaneously gave him a weak smile and moved forward. „Have you brought that rope?" John called up to Doc. „Yes, I have." he answered and adressing Zylyn „I hope you´re not weighing too much and 5 people will be enough to pull you up." He cast down one end of the rope and John went to pick it up, followed by Zylyn with a few steps distance. While Zylyn stood silently below the opening John tied the rope around him. „Are you ready?" he asked him and Zylyn answered with a silent nod. „Hold to the rope with your healthy arm." He advised him and to the others he called, „You can pull him up now." It didn´t take them long to do so, but when Daniel reached for Zylyn to help him get through the opening he accidently pulled at his broken arm. Zylyn let out a shout of pain and tears shot to his eyes. „Oh god, Zylyn I´m sorry, i forgot…" He bent down to Zylyn, who was crouching on the floor. „Don´t touch me! Get away!" the Graaka hissed. When he heard Zylyn shout John called out: „What´s happening up there? Doc help me get up to you!" With his help John climbed trough the opening. He bent down to Zylyn, who grimaced with pain and was breathing heavily. „I accidently touched his broken arm." Daniel explained and John raised. „For christ´s sake, Kincaid" he almost shouted, „ couldn´t you have been more careful. Are you never bothering to thing before you act?" Daniel looked to the floor without speaking. „Hey, Captain…he didn´t mean to do it. It was an accident." Doc tried to placate John. „Give me the pain killers from your medical kit, Kincaid." The Captain demanded and Daniel fetched them from his bagpack. „Here take those!" he gently advised Zylyn, while he passed him two tabletts and a bottle of water. When he turned his face Kincaid handed him two splints and gauze „You should immobilize the arm, captain." „Thank you, Kincaid" John gave him a short smile, before he turned and carefully started to splint Zylyns arm.

The way back to their para jets, that brought them back to the ship, took them about 45 minutes. During which they often stopped, because Zylyn had to rest for a few seconds to catch his breath. His state of health seemed to decline more and more, allthough he tried to dissemble it. John had somehow lost his place next to Zylyn to Daniel and was walking in front of the group. Somehow John was glad that he wasn´t walking next to Zylyn. He was still ashamed of his ourburst in front of the others and feared that they might suspect something. But what was there to suspect? He asked himself. It wasn´t as if anything worth mentioning had happened between Zylyn and him. Ok, there had been this kiss, but that didn´t have to mean anything. The situation in the small cave, the cold, their physical closeness, the lack of oxygen or whatever else, had probably let him to overestimate his feelings of friendship for Zylyn. Things like that happened all the time and weren´t worth bothering with. He convinced himself, that his feelings for Zylyn weren´t more than friendshiply. All along he ignored the warm, fuzzy feeling that had emerged in him everytime he saw Zylyn during the last few months and that in some way had been there from their first meeting on.

„Are you allright? I mean apart from the broken arm?" John heard Kincaid ask Zylyn and he felt a small twinge of jealousy. But of course that was utter rubbish. Jealous? Him? Nonsense!

„I´m fine, just a little tired." He heard Zylyn answer Kincaids question.

„Are you sure? You look quiet a bit ill." Daniel retorted

„Maybe the cold didn´t do me well." Zylyn answerd and shortly afterwards leaned heavily against the wall.

„Do you think you can make it to the Para-Jets?" Daniel asked and touched Zylyns back lightly, which of course _didn´t_ make John want to push his hands off the Graaka.

„Yes, just give me a minute…"

The others waited patiently, all of them looking concerned at their friend.

When they finally arrived at the ship it got a bit growded with the 5 Rangers and the 3 passengers they had rescued in it.

„Christ, Zylyn you look really bad." JoJo exclaimed when she laid her eyes on him.

„Thank you, you´re such a charmer…"

„Zylyn lie down in the cot, Kincaid will take your Place." John ordered and the Graaka vanished in the back of the ship, where a small cot stood.

During their short way back to Fort Hope John went to Zylyn several times to look at him and check the pulse of his fast asleep friend.

When they finally arrived back home John had great difficulties to wake Zylyn and when he finally managed it his friend seemed disorientated and to exhausted to stand up and leave the ship. John simply lifted him up from the bed and carried him out of the ship. „Let me go…" Zylyns voice sounded slurred and he tried to push Johns arm away, but missed it widely. John held him anxiously to his body, racking his brain what could have caused this sudden illness. He took him to the small hospital of Fort Hope, where he was put in a bed and a doctor started to examine him. Meanwhile a younger doctor took care of John and the other Rangers, who had some difficulties in following their Captain.

„Follow me to the waiting section. We can talk there without being disturbed." The Doctor led them to some un ocuppied chairs.

„Will he be allright? What´s amiss with him?" John demanded to know.

„We don´t know yet, but I assure you we´ll do our best to find out. What symptons has your friend been showing?"

John gave him a recollection of the symptons Zylyn had shown and mentioned to him.

„Do you know whether he suffered from this kind of disorders before?"

„No, at least he never mentioned something like that."

„Is he taking any medicaments?"

„None that I know of."

„Drugs?"

„No!" John exclaimed

„Well, we have to check everything. I assume your work has taken you to different planets recently." John nodded „Which?"

„Which…" John thought a moment „two days ago Lef, before that Argonia, Tiflen…"

„About a week ago Galaak 3" JoJo helped the Captain out.

„Galaak 3?" The Doctor asked.

„Yes. Why?"

„There have been cases of Sarinian Flu on Galaak 3 and your friends symptons are matching those of the illness. Please wait for me." He hurried off to his colleague and returned after a few minutes.

„What will happen now? Is this flu dangerous?" John asked.

„It can be dangerous, but your friend is still in an early phase of the disease, although his state of health might appear alarming. We are having some blood tests run and I must ask you to stay here until we could ascertain whether you are infected too. Why don´t you all sit down, while I take your blood samples."

About 10 Min. later the doctors assumption that Zylyn had infected with the Sarinian Flu were certified. However none of the other Rangers was infected and they were allowed to leave the hospital.

„How is Zylyn? Can we see him?" JoJo asked

„He´s sleeping and needs a lot of rest. I´ll let you be informed when you can visit him. But don´t worry we have no reason to suspect that he will not fully recover."

Later in the night, when only little personal was left at the hospital John returned and coaxed a nurse to let him into Zylyns room for a few minutes. Silently he slipped into the room, being as quiet as possible, so that he wouldn´t wake his friend. For some minutes he stood next to the bed and watched him sleep. A small light beam was falling through the curtains and John went to the curtains to drew them completly shut, so that the light would not disturb Zylyn´s sleep. He bent over the bed and while gently stroking Zylyn´s arm he whispered: „Good night, dear."

He left the room without turning back.

tbc


	2. Chapter 2

Cover me

Chapter 2: Running up that hill

„_It doesn't hurt me. _

_Do you want to feel how it feels? _

_Do you want to know that it doesn't hurt me? _

_Do you want to hear about the deal that I'm making? _

_You, it's you and me." (Kate Bush: Running up that hill)_

Almost a week had passed since Zylyn had been taken to the hospital and during the whole time his state of health had greatly improved. His friends and colleagues had only been allowed short visits during the first two days, because the hospital staff didn´t want them to exhaust Zylyn too much. He had spent those first days mostly asleep. But now JoJo was sitting next to his bed and quietly chatting with him. Suddenly she stopped talking about the latest problems she had been having with the ship and said: „I may not forget this…" she reached down to her bag and produced a book from it. „John asked me to give this to you." She handed him the book and while Zylyn examined the small paperback novel she continued talking: „You know, John would have come to visit you, but he´s really busy. We´ve been sent on a lot of missions during the past days and there´s all that paperwork he has to finish. Commander Chenault threatened to transfer him to another planet if he hadn´t finished it by the end of the month." She laughed. Zylyn answered with a weak smile. „How come John bought me a biography? He isn´t into those kind of books." „I don´t know. He probably thought you would like it." JoJo looked down at her hands. „You´re a bad liar and you didn´t have to buy this book for me. I´m not angry at John." „You´re not?" JoJo exclaimed astonished. „But he hasn´t visited you one time. I would be angry if I was you." „He probably really has a lot of work to do." He looked down at his blanket and removed some invisible crumbs from it. JoJo was silent a few secondes before she spoke again: „May I ask you something?" „Well, that depends on the question." „When we were on that planet … Nideval. Did something happen between you and John?" „How come you think something happened between him and me?" „Well, he´s been acting kind of strange … he´s not visiting you and Kincaid and Doc told me he acted a little overprotective when you were on Nideval."

Zylyn avoided JoJos gaze and started picking at his blanket again. „Sooo…did something happen?" Zylyn just answerd with muttering something unidentifiable. „Something did happen! Tell me!" „That´s none of your business!" „If it influences the way you and John are working together it is my business as well as that of Daniel and Doc." „He kissed me." „He kissed you? John kissed you?" JoJo exclaimed excitedly. Zylyn nodded „And…" she smiled slyly. „Did you kiss him back?" „I guess I did…kind of…" „So, what´s the problem with you two?" „Problem?" „Yes, you kissed and now he isn´t even visiting you. He should be all worried and caring instead of busying himself with paperwork. What happened after you kissed?" „Nothing." „Nothing?" „Could you stop repeating everything I say? Yes, nothing happened. Doc and Kincaid broke through the stones and we stopped kissing and nothing else did happen." „But you should talk about it." „Why?" „Well, because you obviously have feelings for one another. I mean don´t you know what he felt when you kissed. You´re an empath, you should know." „I don´t read the feelings of everybody. I respect their privacy. And I think it would probably be better if we forgot about the whole incident. It would be too complicated." „Do you think it would influence your work or is it the being gay thing?" „Nothing of that, but in order to become an graakan priest I had to commit myself to celibacy. And besides that John doesn´t seem to have any feelings for me." „You can´t know that for sure. Maybe he has some problems of his own with the whole thing."

„Anyway I think it´ll be the best to pretend that kiss never happened."

„Hey Captain!"

„Hi Doc!"

Doc was approaching John who sat alone at a table in Gino´s bar frowning over the paperwork he had to do.

„Kincaid and me are going to visit Zylyn. Do you want to come with us?"

„No, thanks for asking. But I still got tons of paperwork waiting for me."

„Oh come on! Just half an hour or even less. Just come with us and say Hi."

„I told you I can´t." John sounded a little disgruntled. „Zylyn will understand."

„He´ll probably at least pretend to. But you can´t hide behind your paperwork forever and once Zylyn has recovered again and is back to working you´ll have no chance to avoid him any longer."

„I´m not avoiding him."

„That´s what it seems like. What happened down there on Nideval? Did you argue?"

„What makes you think something did happen?"

„You have been acting odd ever since we rescued you from that cave."

John sighed silently, before he took a sip from the coffee that stood infront of him and suddenly the graakan liquor Zylyn and him had intended to share came to his mind.

John stayed silent and Doc felt his suspicion affirmed by this.

„Tell me!"

„I kind of kissed Zylyn, but it was an accident."

„What, you stumbled and fell on his mouth?"  
"Of course not, but because of the extreme situation…you know the cold, the life threathening situation…that makes people act funny. It doesn´t mean anything."

„You sure?"

„Of course I am. We´re just friends and colleagues, nothing more. And I´m going to pretend nothing happened between us."

„If that´s so you should have no problems accompanying us, when we visit Zylyn. You don´t have to stay long. The paperwork excuse doesn´t work on me. So…are you in?"

John agreed reluctantly, not without pointing out that he really had a lot of paperwork to do.

When Daniel, Doc and John entered Zylyn´s room in the hospital, they were suprised to see a man sitting on the edge of Zylyn´s bed with his back to the door. Upon hearing them enter he had turned around. „Hi!" he smiled at them, but didn´t make any moves to leave his place on Zylyn´s bed. „Hello!" John replied a little irritated and closely examined the face of the stranger. He had warm brown eyes and a big, sensitive looking mouth. His dark brown hair was short and wavy and he must have been about 30 years old, but had a kind of boyish charme about him.

„Hi! It´s nice you came!" Zylyn greeted his visitors. „This is Luca. He´s an old friend. Luca, this are John, Doc and Daniel."

„Nice to meet you." Luca stretched his hand out to John, who took it slightly reluctant.

„So…you´re an old acquaintance of Zylyn."

„Yes we haven´t met for quiet a while, so I thought I´d visit him. But I was a bit suprised to find him in a hospital."

„Yes, he really did scare us a bit." John said and looked at Zylyn, who turned his face away from him.

Daniel and Doc seemed to have taken a liking to Luca from the first moment on and were chatting with him and Zylyn, but John couldn´t bring himself to join the talk wholeheartedly.

Everytime he saw Luca touching Zylyn casually, John felt a slight twinge in his stomach. He didn´t really fear there could be more than friendship between Zylyn and Luca, but he envied Luca for the past and the memories he shared with Zylyn. He was jelaous because Luca seemed to belong to a part of Zylyn´s life John didn´t know anything about. Never before had he even heard Zylyn mention Luca, whereas Luca seemed pretty well informed about Fort Hope and their work. John had always thought of himself as Zylyns closest friend and know it seemed as if he was never right to think so. He wished he could act as carefree and unreserved around Zylyn as Luca did, but everytime he tried to, the memories of the cave came back to his mind and he wondered if Zylyn and him could ever return to their normal friendship.

He couldn´t stop casting a glance at Zylyn everytime he thought no one would notice, hoping in vain to read in Zylyns face how he felt about John. When it was time for them to leave Luca still remained seated on Zylyns bed, stating that they had still alot to talk about. Without knowing the reason why John wanted Luca to leave the room with them, instead of leaving him alone with Zylyn. Before he left he did cast one last look at Zylyn, but quickly turned away when Zylyns eyes met his.

„Luca is a really nice guy, isn´t he?" Daniel asked when they were outside. „He´s a bit too nice for my taste." „How can he be too nice?" „I don´t know. I simply don´t like him, that´s all." „Oh, you´re jealous!" Kincaid stated matter of factly. „Jealous? Why should I be jealous?" „Well, because he is so close to Zylyn." Kincaid stated, now sounding a bit irritated.

„You´re both so annoying." John uttered „Once and for all: I´m not jealous and there is nothing between Zylyn and me… I have to go, there´s a lot of work for me to do." Saying this he left Doc and Kincaid standing at the entrance of the hospital.

„There is something between Zylyn and him." Daniel said grinning at Doc.

„Yes, the only question is, whether they will admit that to themselves."

John was pacing his living room, feeling quiet upset. He couldn´t understand why Doc and Daniel wouldn´t stop bugging him. Shouldn´t they be more sensitive, if they really thought something was wrong between Zylyn and him? And there definitely was something wrong between them. He had tried to ignore it, but it still existed. He wished he hadn´t kissed Zylyn. Could it be possible that this single kiss would destroy their whole friendship? Something had changed, John had felt it clearly when he had entered Zylyns room in the hospital. Things were not right. But how were things supposed to be? John only knew that he didn´t want to lose Zylyn. He needed him as a friend, but did he also love him in more than just a platonic way? He could still exactly remember the feeling of Zylyn´s body in his arms, the touch of his lips… He longed to feel him in his arms again. But you could lose a lover easier than a friend. And the mere idea of a life without Zylyn made him feel extremly sad. If Zylyn didn´t return his feelings everything would turn out for worse. Their friendship, if it would still exist, would never be the same. John stopped walking, his thoughts were getting him nowhere. He had to talk to somebody.

„Doc?" John exclaimed when he entered his ship. And turned around in search for his mechanic. „I´m here, Captain!" John heared Doc´s voice from the rear of the ship and walked towards him. „I´m just checking whether Lizzie is still working right after our last mission. What are you doing here?" Doc looked at John curiosly.

„I wanted to talk to you. Can you spare some minutes?"

„Sure. What do you wanna talk about?"

„About Zylyn and me." John blurted out and than kept silent for a few moments. „When Kincaid said, I was jealous he was probably right. I tried to pretend that kiss never happened or at least that it didn´t mean anything. But I can´t. I can´t stop thinking about it."

„So you´re in love with him?"

„I´m not sure. I think I am, but what if I´m not truly in love with him. If it´s not forever. If we were lovers and we did break up, I´d lose him forever.That is if he returns my feelings. If he doesn´t things would get even more complicated. I couldn´t bare to lose his friendship. I…I just don´t know what to do."

„ You need to talk to him. That is the only solution."

„But if he doesn´t return my feelings I´ll lose him."

„But could you bare living with the imagination that he might have returned your feelings and that you never took that chance? And if you´ll never talk about the kiss, it will be something that always stands between you."

John remained silent for a minute or two, before he answered: „You´re right I have to talk to him. But I´m so afraid."

„Well, make sure he´s wearing his yoke and there is no need to be." Doc laughed and even John smiled softly. „Now hurry and talk to him imediatly, before your last bist of courage leaves you."

„Thank you." John said before he turned and left the ship.

Following Doc´s advice John went to the hospital directly. He knocked at the door, but entered Zylyns room without waiting for an answer. Luca was still sitting on Zylyns bed and was talking to him. Zylyn looked at John a bit puzzled, but smiled: „Two visits in a day…Is there any special occasion?" „No…I mean yes…" John sighed and turned to Luca, „I´m sorry to interrupt you, but I need to talk to Zylyn. Could you leave us alone, Luca?"

„Sure. I have to do some unpacking anyway." Turning to Zylyn he said „I´ll come back later in the evening." He left his place on Zylyns bed and walked to the door, but before he left he turned, looked at Zylyn and mouthed: „Talk to him", without John perceiving it. When he was gone, John pulled a chair close to Zylyns bed and sat down on it. „Luca and you are very close, aren´t you?" Zylyn nodded and said „Yes, he´s a very good friend." „Is he more than just a friend? You know you could tell me." „No, he is just a friend." John had to repress a sigh of relief. „But you sure didn´t came to talk about Luca. What is it you wanna talk about?" John looked down at his hands, than took a deep breath and dared to look into Zylyns face. „You probably guessed that it hasn´t been the paperwork that kept me from visiting you." Zylyn nodded silently. „I have been avoiding you, because of the kiss. I didn´t know what I felt about it. But now I think I do…but I´m still afraid. Have you been reading my feelings lately?" „No, I didn´t. You know I respect your privacy." „Yes, yes I know you do, but if I asked you to make an exception this time, would you do it?" Without thinking he streched his hands out and took Zylyns in his. He wished they could stay like this forever, without needing to care for any problems that might occur. „If you really want me to, I will do it." Zylyn answered. „I want you to. It´s much easier than actually putting into words what I feel." Zylyn concentrated and looked into John´s eyes. It just took him a second to detect the feelings John was having for him. He looked extremly puzzled „I didn´t think it could be possible that you have this kind of feelings for me." „So you don´t feel the same…" John stated and made a movement to leave Zylyn. „I didn´t say that. Don´t go!" Zylyn exclaimed. John started smiling and sat down again. „So you have the same feelings." He said when suddenly he saw tears running down Zylyn´s face. „What´s the matter, dear? Why are you crying?" He asked while he took Zylyn´s hands. „I´m sorry. I just never felt so miserable and so happy at the same time." He freed one of his hands from John´s hold to wipe away his tears. He looked shyly at John, who took his face in both of his hands. „Don´t feel miserable. There´s no need to. Come on give me one of your secret smiles. Zylyn smiled weakly. „John, I…" He was interrupted by John kissing him. Their kiss was full of warmth and tenderness, but when John tasted Zylyns salty tears in his mouth he broke their kiss and watched how Zylyn cried silently. „What´s up with you? Why are you crying? Aren´t you happy?" „I don´t know." Zylyn answered quietly, while he slowly shook his head and wiped away his tears. „ I don´t know, it´s so confusing." „Confusing? I thought you shared my feelings?" John took hold of Zylyn´s hands again. „I do share your feelings, but in order to become a priest I had to pledge myself to celibacy." John straightened up and let go of Zylyns hands. „So you don´t want to be with me?" John felt anger building up inside of him and at the same time he had to fight against his tears that threatened to fall. Zylyn looked into John´s grim looking face and felt, if possible, even worse than before. „John…" he tried to speak softly, but his voice sounded hoarse. „Please try to understand me. I´ve worked almost my whole life for this. I can´t give it up all of a sudden without thinking about it. All of my life I thought this was what I had to do, my destiny. When I thought about my future I always saw myself as a priest. This is turning my whole life upside down." John´s face softened and he reached out to touch Zylyns cheek gently. „I just can´t stand the thought of a life without you. Please promise me, if you decide, that you don´t want to be with me, that this will not stand between us. Let´s try to behave as if nothing had happened. Promise me!"

„I promise you I´ll try to do so, but do you think it would work?" „I don´t know." John shook his head and brought his face closer to Zylyn´s. He didn´t try any longer to keep his tears from falling. „Just give me some time." Zylyn almost whispered, while he wiped away the tears from John´s face. Looking into John´s warm, sad eyes he had to keep himself from crying the whole time. „I´ll give you time to think about it, but don´t let me wait too long." „No." Zylyn simply statet and kissed John lightly on the lips.

„I think I´d better be going." John said while he rose from his chair. He cast one last look at Zylyn and then quickly went to the door without looking back. When he had left the room Zylyn lay down again and while he crawled under his blanket again the tears he had held back ran down his face silently.

Later in the evening, Zylyn said cross legged on his bed and studied the book all graakan missionarys were given, when they had commited themselve to the net, the religion that had existed for many thousands years now. The book was written by a prophet and contained the principles on which every missionary and priest had to base his life.

„Free your mind free from longing. For it will be a distraction and a hindrance on your way to the deity. Fight temptation, it is easy to give in to it, but it will destroy all your past work. If you have let yourself carry away to just one kiss, it will oppress your mind for the rest of your life." Zylyn read, although he knew the passage by heart. He sighed and put the book aside. Ever since John had left him alone he had tried to free his mind from his feelings for him, but he hadn´t succeeded. His only wish was to hold John in his arms and feel his body. He didn´t think it possible he could ever get rid of this longing and this meant he could never be a good priest and this was far worse than facing the dissapointment of his family or to arrange with a new way to live.

When he turned of the light and went to sleep a content smile played on his lips. He would be with John.

On the following day Zylyn was allowed to leave the hospital. Before he did anything else he walked up to the office of Commander Chenault. When he saw she was alone, he knocked lightly on the door. She looked up through the glas front of the door and beckoned him in. Zylyn stepped in and while closing the door asked: „Can you spare some minutes, Commander? I would like to talk to you."

„Of course. Please sit down. How can I help you?"

„I wanted to ask you something." Zylyn began while settling down. Chenault looked at him expectingly. „I started working as a Ranger as a part of my missionary years and I wanted to know whether…" He stopped for a minute. „…if I would abandon my purpose to become a priest and therefore would no longer be a missionary…could I still be a Ranger?"

Commander Chenault looked at him astonished. „I don´t think there should be any problems. But why, if I may ask you this question, do you want to be a priest no longer? You have studied and worked for such a long time."

„I know and it took me long to get to this decision, Commander, but there have occured events that force me to give up my goal."

„What kind of events? You know you can turn to me for help, whenever needed."

„Thank you, Commander. I´d rather not talk about it any longer. But there´s nothing for you to worry about." He arose from his seat and bid his Commander goodbye, who was left alone, worrying, although Zylyn had assured her there was no need to.

Later that day Commander Chenault was walking down a corridor to the office of Col. Weiss when she met Captain Boon. „Captain Boon! May I have a word with you?"

„Of course, Commander."

„Zylyn came to me this afternoon and asked me whether he could still work as a Ranger, if he wasn´t going to be a graakan priest. Do you know why he wants to give up on it?"

„Did he really say this?" John´s face lit up with a smile.

„Yes and he told me not to worry about it. You do know what this is all about, don´t you?"

„Yes I do, but I would prefer to talk about this another time. I can assure you, that there´s no need for you to worry." John started turning away. „I´m sorry, Commander, but I have to leave you. There´s someone I need to see." While he almost ran down the corridor in the direction he was just coming from, Commander Chenault was left in perplexity.

Slowly John was making his way up the hill on whichs top Zylyn liked to spent his time, when he wanted to be alone. When he couldn´t find him neither in his rooms, nor in the graakan temple he made his way to this place. He was a bit worried that Zylyn wouldn´t want to be disturbed, but he couldn´t wait to talk to him. When he saw him, looking down on Fort Hope, his heart started beating faster. Zylyn turned to him. „Hey, I hope I´m not disturbing you…oh…your hair, it´s…short." „Yes" Zylyn ran his hand through his hair. „It was Luca´s suggestion. Do you…like it?"

„Yes. Yes, I do like it." John stepped up to Zylyn so that he was within arms reach of him. Suddenly he felt timid. „I met Commander Chenault. She said you have been talking to her this afternoon." „Yes, I did." Zylyn took a step closer to John, so that they were almost touching. „So you´ve decided…you wanna…be with me?" Zylyn just nodded and closed the remaining distance between John and him to pull him into a kiss. Their lips touched gently at first, but more eagerly and passionate after a few seconds. It was their first kiss that was free of fear, uncertainity or confusion. It was only full of love and desire. John tried to pull Zylyn even closer and felt the strong muscles of his back flexing under his hands. Zylyn was pushing his hands into John´s hair feeling the soft strands running trough his fingers. They interrupted their kiss, both slightly panting. „That was…"John stopped, because he was lost for words. „…intense." Zylyn finished. „Yes…intense." John whispered before kissing Zylyn again, gently this time. They stood together for a while, holding each other close. Reluctantly John let go of Zylyns warm body and took a step back. „I hate to say this, but I think we have to go back now. We have a mission waiting for us and the others will start to get impatient, if we´ll let them wait any longer." He looked Zylyn up and down and asked: „Do you really think, you can work again? It´s allright if you take another day or two off." „I´m fine." John cast Zylyn a sceptical look. „Really I´m allright, the doctors said so too and they said I could work again. There´s no need for you to be worried." He smiled and kissed John´s brow, but drew away from him quickly with a grin. „Come on, if we start again we´ll never get away from here." With this he turned away and started to walk. John quickly caught up with him and while there were walking towards Fort Hope he took Zylyns hand in his.

tbc


End file.
